CONNOR RATLIFF: Summer Olympics 2016 GOLD!

mosteverythingisterrible:

The Chris Gethard Show
#91 We Will Predict Your Future

Amy Poehler got to see Connor at his best.

(via thechrisgethardshow)

CONNOR RATLIFF’S OLYMPIC JOURNAL

May 20, 2013 (1173 days until the 2016 Summer Olympics)

Last week, I went on The Chris Gethard Show to have the panel predict my Olympic Future. 

The question asked was: “Will Connor win an Olympic GOLD medal?”

• CHRIS GETHARD’S Magic 8-ball said “Don’t Count On It.” I take this to mean that I shouldn’t just take it for granted. I think the Magic 8-ball wanted make sure I didn’t quit training, which I definitely would have if they had predicted an absolute “yes.”
• AMY POEHLER’S Magic 8-ball was slightly more ominous: “My Answer Is No.” My immediate reaction was that perhaps the 8-ball was using the “unreliable narrator” literary device as a way of tricking me. Upon further reflection, it occurs to me that it was actually employing a different kind of trick to throw me off the scent. The question asked was whether I would win “AN” Olympic GOLD medal— as in singular, one GOLD medal. Perhaps this is an indication that I will win MORE than one GOLD medal. Very clever, Magic 8-ball!
• BETHANY HALL’S method of prediction was an origami fortune teller, and its result was the cryptic “The Civil War was a hoax.” I don’t know how to explain this answer, but I am eager to hear any possible interpretations that people might be willing to offer, especially ones that are positive and non-racist.
• SHANNON O’NEILL predicted that I would make it all the way to the opening ceremonies but that Tom Hanks will then replace me. This is a reference to Tom Hanks firing me from a small role in Band Of Brothers back in the year 2000. This is clearly Shannon’s way of keeping me motivated, knowing that I am driven to succeed by a series of unambiguous failures.

While I didn’t exactly receive the unambiguously good news I was hoping for, they did not definitively rule out Olympic success in 2016. My takeaway from this experience was that I have to keep training very hard. The powerful forces that the panel was connecting with obviously knew that if they told me, “yes, you’re going to win” it would probably cause me to become complacent and stop exercising or trying to become good at athletics. I hate training so much, it’s exhausting and often humiliating. It’s kind of heartbreaking that I have to keep doing this, but it looks like that’s what it’s going to take to win the GOLD.

WATCH the whole fun episode with special guest Amy Poehler here!

MY CURRENT WEIGHT: 196 lbs. I lost 3 pounds! Very exciting news, and it tells me that maybe checking every week was a mistake, like a “watched pot never boils”-type deal.

RATLIFF 2016 MERCH: several people have asked me about items they see me with, such as my RATLIFF 2016 Water Bottle and RATLIFF 2016 Stadium Blanket and wall clock. They ask “how do I get one of those?” and I tell them to go here. 

INSPIRATIONAL QUOTE: “When you want something, all you have to do is try hard and you can have it. Anything you want, if you dream big and go for it you can have it and when people say “no” you should say “yes” and then one day it will all work out and you can have what you want, it’s true!” - Future Olympic GOLD Medal Winner Connor Ratliff

Olympically Yours,

Future GOLD Medal Winner Connor Ratliff

shrillmurray:

Connor Ratliff is my spirit animal. 

(via thechrisgethardshow)

thechrisgethardshow:

Our recent Beyonce tribute episode had a huge obstacle to overcome: We couldn’t play any of her music! Our friend and future Olympic Gold Medal Winner, Connor Ratliff, helped us out by performing Beyonce’s “Gift From Virgo” BACKWARDS to circumvent copyright laws. We’ve taken the liberty of reversing his backwards performance, resulting in what should be a beautiful rendition of a deep cut off of Beyonce’s debut album. …Or maybe it’ll just be really weird.

Alyssa did a great job hosting TCGS last Wednesday and I’m sure when Beyoncé inevitably sees it she will love the episode.

I was proud to be a part of it and pay tribute to BK with this backwards performance of “Gift From Virgo.” As people who followed my presidential campaign might have noticed, I am, myself, a Virgo, and this performance was my gift to Beyoncé and Beyoncé fans all over the world.

Due to a cue card mix-up, at several points during the performance I replaced the song’s backwards lyrics with the words “Pepsi, Pepsi, Pepsi, Pepsi” as a tribute to Beyoncé’s current soft drink campaign. Skip to the 2-minute mark to see for yourself.

I’m most proud of the final 30 seconds, when I really nailed the backwards lyrics with almost total accuracy.

Embrace your past, but LIVE FOR NOW.

“Believing in something makes it happen. If you can achieve anything, then you can achieve your dreams and they can happen.”

- Future Olympic GOLD Medal Winner Connor Ratliff

(via patrickcotnoir)

premiumbounce:

Future Olympic GOLD Medal Winner Connor Ratliff X

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RATLIFF 2016 GOLD meets FLIGHT SCHOOL PREPS at SXSW

When I was at SXSW training for the 2016 Olympics and promoting Lifeway® Kefir products, I met a Miami hip-hop group called Flight School Preps.

I gave them some Lifeway® Kefir t-shirts and sunglasses and they gave me a CD of their album, Expensive Dreams, which I now listen to while I train for the Olympics.

I now follow them on Twitter and they follow me back. This brief video shows our entire interaction at SXSW.

redvinesfamily:

Future Olympic GOLD medal winner Connor Ratliff demonstrating his physical prowess.

I am gratified to see that my Olympic effort is already being converted into GIF format. It is also a useful tool in that allows me to study my technique in order to figure out how to improve.

If anyone wants to make GIFs of me falling on the ice, that would be a big help. (I need to understand why I was doing it so frequently.)

(via thechrisgethardshow)

redvinesfamily:

I have an inspiring new lock screen background.

I’m a BlackBerry® user myself, so I don’t think I’d know what a “lock screen background” was without seeing the image but I have to say that this kind of thing is precisely the reason I got into Presidential politics Olympic athletics. 

THANK YOU FOR BEING INSPIRED BY ME

“If the things that inspire us turn out to be things that are themselves inspired by the future result of being inspirational to others, so be it.”  

                  - Future Olympic GOLD Medal Winner Connor Ratliff

(via thechrisgethardshow)

RATLIFF 2016 GOLD: “Ice Skating”

Last night I returned to The Chris Gethard Show for an hourlong championship game of Twister®.

I also premiered this footage of me ice skating at Rockefeller Center as part of my long-term preparations for 2016.

I attracted quite a bit of attention from the crowd who saw me out on the ice and were inspired by my Quest For The GOLD. It should be noted that this is not footage of me playing the role of the Underdog— this is me 100% genuinely trying my best at ice skating, and the people interviewed in this video are total strangers who did not know anything about me but were informed that I was in training for the Olympics.

(There are no cynics at The Rink at Rock Center at 11:30 on Sunday morning. Just kind-hearted, decent people who believe that dreams can come true.)